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13 Jan
angela at the piano

Four year old me at the piano

Everything either reconciles or it doesn’t reconcile. I’ve considered it a lot.
When you perform a piece of music there’s not much you can do about a wrong note once it’s been played. However, you do need to reconcile with yourself.
In a split second, you’ll either choose to get over it and continue, or allow yourself to be thrown into regret and self-doubt, which renders you helpless and defeated.
There are times when the music repeats. You get another chance. However, it is understood, that the repeat would contain at least a subtle difference. Maybe you will alter the dynamics, or bring out a different voice, add an embellishment, turn or trill.
In life you can’t go back. Just as a note is played right or wrong, you can’t go back to that exact moment in time to correct it. You can only move forward. You may receive an opportunity to repeat in a different moment and hopefully it will reflect an embellishment of grace and maturity.
I performed many pieces at the piano when I was young, devoid of sensitivity, with note and interpretive errors. Sometimes I revisit these pieces and terrible memories of blaring errors, mental glitches, humiliation and discouragement return.
I remind myself; I’m not obligated or destined to repeat the same mistakes. I am old enough, hopefully humble enough, to reconcile where there’s a repeat, accept when there is not, and move forward, more aware and caring as I live, love, and play piano.