Do you talk to yourself?
Maybe I would have done better through teen hormones, PMS, marriage and child rearing if I’d given myself the ‘talk,’ at each important juncture.
Now I’m at the post menopause juncture with odd feelings and emotions that float in the air, disturb my sleep and greet me with dark unsettled thoughts when I awake. I’m not very positive these days and I don’t like it.
So I went out on the deck and sat down with myself for a chat.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked myself. “Where’s your passion and joy for the things you love to do? It’s Thursday…your day off….creative day…and you’re moping, moping, moping…..”
“Well what’s the use?” I answered. “There was a time when I couldn’t wait to sit at the piano, write down the new song that had been in my head all day. It was a pretty awesome time. But then I tried to record, get to the next step, get recognized, and the joy took off along with my money.”
“But that didn’t mean you had to stop writing songs, did it?”
I shrugged. “I loved to write too; stories essays, plays and now a YA novel. I’d get so excited when a few free minutes meant I could write but now the search for the allusive agent to affirm my work and get me published makes me not want to write…anything…
“…sigh…You know how to take the fun out of things better than anyone I know.”
This was very true. And so as I felt the cool air blow a few more colorful leaves off the tree and onto the grass it was clear… “As a person thinks, so he/she is.” I read this quote from Proverbs in a book called The Wild Love Of God by Chris Dupre. He wrote about identity being linked with what we believe about God, how it determines what we do, that wrong thinking and believing makes us victims of emotion and circumstance, that this is not our destiny.
“So, if I start from the most basic, I believe God is good and everything He’s given me is good. Every gift and talent is meant to be enjoyed….just because….that’s what a gift is, right? But I’ve been looking for some greater purpose for each gifts, each passion He’s put in my heart, instead of just using them…just enjoying them. I’ve been missing the journey.”
“So, what now?” I asked myself.
“Put on my back pack, enjoy the journey, and trust the destination to Him.”