4 Oct

Do you talk to yourself?

Maybe I would have done better through teen hormones, PMS, marriage and child rearing if I’d given myself the ‘talk,’ at each important juncture.

Now I’m at the post menopause juncture with odd feelings and emotions that float in the air, disturb my sleep and greet me with dark unsettled thoughts when I awake. I’m not very positive these days and I don’t like it.

So I went out on the deck and sat down with myself for a chat.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked myself. “Where’s your passion and joy for the things you love to do? It’s Thursday…your day off….creative day…and you’re moping, moping, moping…..”

“Well what’s the use?” I answered. “There was a time when I couldn’t wait to sit at the piano, write down the new song that had been in my head all day. It was a pretty awesome time. But then I tried to record, get to the next step, get recognized, and the joy took off along with my money.”

“But that didn’t mean you had to stop writing songs, did it?”

I shrugged. “I loved to write too; stories essays, plays and now a YA novel. I’d get so excited when a few free minutes meant I could write but now the search for the allusive agent to affirm my work and get me published makes me not want to write…anything

“…sigh…You know how to take the fun out of things better than anyone I know.”

This was very true. And so as I felt the cool air blow a few more colorful leaves off the tree and onto the grass it was clear… “As a person thinks, so he/she is.” I read this quote from Proverbs in a book called The Wild Love Of God by Chris Dupre. He wrote about identity being linked with what we believe about God, how it determines what we do, that wrong thinking and believing makes us victims of emotion and circumstance, that this is not our destiny.


“So, if I start from the most basic, I believe God is good and everything He’s given me is good. Every gift and talent is meant to be enjoyed….just because….that’s what a gift is, right?  But I’ve been looking for some greater purpose for each gifts, each passion He’s put in my heart, instead of just using them…just enjoying them. I’ve been missing the journey.” 

“So, what now?” I asked myself.

“Put on my back pack, enjoy the journey, and trust the destination to Him.”


5 Responses to “”

  1. Anna Davignon October 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

    Angela, i can’t say that i haven’t been there myself. don’t know that i have grabbed my back pack to enjoy the journey yet either. Thanks for sharing your feelings though. Is it because we are “older”?
    Oh btw, there was a video at the end of your blog that was completely raunchy. don’t know why it is there, but it is.

    • azale7 October 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

      Hi Anna,
      Thanks for the response. Just checked and I don’t see any vieo whatsoever.

  2. The Birding Bunch October 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm #

    I saw your concern at the forum and how they have been responding. They have not been very helpful. If you wish to delete my comment I am ok with that since it is not related to your blog’s content.

    WordPress does say in their Terms of Use. for their blogs, they can place ads in them. As long as you are logged in to WordPress, you will not see the ads, same is true if you have an ad blocker. People who are not signed in to wordpress will see the ad if they do not have an ad blocker.

    Just a couple days ago, I paid the fee for No ads on my site. I had heard about this video ad on the blogs and that is what finally caused me to make this choice.. My blog is meant to be suitable for all ages and even though what they describe the ad as showing a pregnant woman with exposed stomach drinking water, I want my site to reflect modesty. I write about birds, not much else and just the topic of that ad clashes with the content.

    WordPress sometimes remove offensive ads, if people take screenshots of them, but since this ad has been up for a number of weeks, I do not think they will in this case. So if you are willing to pay the fee, that would be an option. There’s other sites you could try, but moving blogs is not always easy to do.

    I wish I could be more help. I don’t like that so many are complaining about the ad in the help forum, but yet they will not remove it.

  3. annarounseville October 4, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

    Hi Angela, Wow you are so nice and honest, and really tough on yourself. You are an artist and such might be harder on yourself than anyone else. You music and your life is your Art. Thank you for reminding all of us to enjoy the journey. Its something I forget as well. I didn’t watch the video I just read the post.
    If you ever want to try another venue for your writing is free and a nice community of writers. The things we write there remain ours, I Have a presence there as does Paig (in fact he passed me in points sometime after he joined up. Like I said its free 😀 Worth looking into anyways. Take care.
    Sincerely, Anna (p.s. on Squidoo I’m Anna2of5, and Paig is PaigSr.) 😀 Happy writing.

  4. Tim Collins December 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

    I really appreciate your reminder that hope is as much choice as gift.

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